


A Moment Of Self Reflection

by Fordanoia



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Both Fords have some issues with this, Gen, Grunkle Ford's Portal Adventures, also Stangst, mentions of Stan, of course there's Stangst man, seeing each other isn't that comforting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 23:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9264707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fordanoia/pseuds/Fordanoia
Summary: Ford nearing the completion of his Quantum Destabilizer happens to find a familiar face. His own, though nearly 30 years younger.





	

 

Gazabar Plaza was arguably one of the better places for him to stock up on essential supplies. It also was not primarily called ‘Gazabar Plaza.’ However, it was a secondary name provided to accommodate customers that frequented the market. It was physically impossible for several different beings to pronounce, human beings included. On the bright side, he could read it which was all he really needed. The secondary name personally made him feel more at ease. Even if it was moreso a name commonly spat out by most models of translators in the multiverse, rather than something actively chosen for the place. It was still a name reminiscent of Earth, and thus familiar.

Better yet this was a neutral zone so he didn’t have to be as wary about whatever his status may be now in the surrounding dimensions. He’d broken more than a few galactic laws, some of which hadn’t actually been intentional. The rest had been for the greater good. He was nearing completion on his Quantum Destabilizer. The idea and theory had been fully worked out, and though he still needed more parts and a power source he truly felt close now. Only a couple years and he was sure the device would be fully operational and he’d be ready. 

His list of supplies had thankfully dwindled down since he’d found the nutrient pills that actually worked for himself. He could even cut down on the cost by making them himself now as long as he had the right elements. Besides that all he really needed were various batteries and replacement parts for what had gotten damaged so far. After that he’d probably find one of the unfamiliar beings around and follow them back to their dimension. Even after visiting this shopping plaza for years, there were still beings he didn’t recognize, of course. The multiverse was by no means something that could be simply explored even if he had a hundred years. No better way to find some place new though then trailing something unfamiliar. 

He ah, just had to be more careful than the first time he’d come up with the idea. Which really meant just not following said alien all the way to their home dimension, rather just trailing until it was too obvious or he was already somewhere unfamiliar.

He kept a vague watch at the various bodies around him and those passing him in the opposite direction. While several entities  _ did _ have faces, over the years he’d found the easiest way to read tone was by body language. Although it was still differing as well as the creatures he’d come to immediately recognize what sort of movements were indicative of being cautious or an impending danger that’d be unavoidable. 

There was something stiff, nervous, and on edge. He glanced ahead focusing on the movement, not quite able to see the whole entity in the crowd, but he immediately recognized it as another human. He slowed down, edging slightly closer in hopes of seeing the whole of them when they passed so he could be certain they were actually human.

Heh, no, he wasn’t going to lie to himself anymore. It’s because seeing anything familiar enough of his original dimension brought him comfort to at least a slight degree. Brief glimpses of something from an Earth was as close to a home as he would ever get, although a few dimensions had proved comforting... 

As he moved along, he also noticed the pair of darkened brown boots was clearly moving closer towards the invisible median of the path. Nearly to the point where the other seemed to be walking straight towards himself. Not quite, but the intent of the other had definitely changed. Whether it was actually because of himself or not, Ford prepared himself. There wasn’t any particularly aggressive change in their pace, but all the same it was better to be prepared. Even good intentions could have harmful effects. 

It was almost worrisome that he  _ still _ hadn’t caught sight of the other’s face by this point, a tall alien with an abnormally large upper body making it impossible to see the other, as well as a few other bodies in the way. It wasn’t as though he’d recognize them, though. There weren’t that many interdimensional human travellers and those he’d had met so far were recognizable enough he felt sure he would have realized if it was them or not by now. 

He stilled to a stop entirely, finally, waiting as the large being continued lumbering past. Seeing as the other hadn’t continued on their way either, he knew they were just on the other side. Soon enough he could see their feet turned towards him, and any lingering possibilities that the other had caught sight of something other than himself had fallen through the ground. 

There was a store just behind the other, he would pass by them into the shop to play off any incidental curiosity he’d shown. Hopefully that would be that.

Finally, the being was nearly past. Ford started walking around it. He was just two steps from passing beside the other, when he finally saw his face. The painfully, _ painfully _ young and scruffy face.

His feet stalled where he was at, a few foot from him, all the while his gaze remained stuck on him.

It was himself, plain as day, but so much younger. He was holding onto the straps of his pack, hiding his fingers behind the straps. God, was he so new to the multiverse that he still unconsciously worried about that even now. 

The other looked absolutely tired and his nerves fried to the edges. Of course, he was. Everything had been stressful until he’d finally hit a point where he knew what his next meal would come from and that he wouldn’t die from it. Thankfully, not everything had been as poisonous to his body as he thought it would with all the widely different chemical components.

Then he looked scared, and seeing how the other was looking at him, he knew it was because of him. He recognized him, and Ford didn’t want to imagine what was going through his head right now. 

He’d forgotten that he’d actually looked that young his first year after falling through the portal. Ford had become so accustomed over the years as he aged, greying hair and all the subtle changes that he’d never even realized. After all, he only had one photo of himself and it was when he was a child. He couldn’t compare himself to the already long outdated image. 

This put it into perspective though, just how long he’d been travelling the multiverse. He felt like standing for just these few seconds had been enough time for all the dead weight of the years to catch up to him. Latching onto his shoulders and weighing him into the ground as it often did whenever he foolishly stopped somewhere for too long or didn’t occupy his mind with something before it drifted into somber territory.

... Nearly thirty years now. An invisible and heavy cloak draped around his shoulders. He’d always known he’d been working on this for a while, but he’d never really thought out a quantitative number before. Time was a matter of perspective and at times just an illusion, and he had had far more important matters to think about. He was only a few years short of being doubled the age of his alternate self only inches away from him. 

So much time spent finding out everything he could, and building this weapon... It was going to work.

Ford knew he was getting close to finishing the weapon. It wouldn’t take much longer now. All it would take would be a direct hit to Bill’s core. He wasn’t going to let everything go to waste.

Before he even fully realized it he was already pulling out a small notebook and a pen, writing various dimension names on it. Key dimensions he’d been where he’d found information or an important part for the Quantum Destabilizer. It wasn’t all the places, but the most important ones he could recall. 

Ripping the paper out of the notebook, he tucked away the notebook and pen so he could fold the paper in half, noting a few beings about to pass beside them. He could see a question on the other’s face and handed the paper towards his younger self before he could voice it. 

The other took it curiously, eyebrows pulled together, and Ford didn’t wait for him to unfold the paper and ask. He silently brushed past, heading through the small crowd and towards the curtained opening of the shop. 

“W-Wai...” A hoarse voice called out to him, trailing down quietly before even finishing the word.  _ Christ _ , he sounded awful. Despite himself, he did stop. Looking back was a trap though. It was a trap and he knew it.

Maybe his younger self knew it as well, maybe that’s why he hadn’t tried saying anything more. What good would a conversation between the two of them bring? There was certainly nothing he could gain from the other, assuming the other was following the same path thus far. It wasn’t really  _ him _ , but judging by his appearance it was a very similar parallel version of himself. Regardless, he couldn’t bring himself to continue walking without doing  _ something _ .

What could the other gain from him outside the information he’d provided on the slip of paper. He’d want to know if they were close to defeating Bill... No. Ford actually stopped to think back, years and years to when he hadn’t even begun to make sense of the multiverse yet.

What did he want to hear? What had he needed?

He looked back at the other. So  _ young _ , and all jittered nerves lying on the surface. He looked at him as though he was a reaper ready to deliver, and he could see the obvious regret on his face. Ford could empathize, he wished the other hadn’t said anything either. 

Ford offered a smile, pouring every ounce of warmth he could find in himself into it. “We figure out a way.” He assured him.

Some glint in the other’s eyes seemed put at ease and his raised shoulders and tight neck noticeably relaxed. 

He’d managed to say the right thing.  _ Amazing _ . Ford pulled up the cloth over his mouth before his expression gave out and ducked into the shop, rest assured he wouldn’t be followed.

* * *

 

A few creatures had given him directions and, though he was doubtful, they didn’t seem to have any ill intentions. He watched the shopping market from afar for a short while, to ready himself. It was fascinating to see all the different beings commingling. He’d seen several different beings already, of course, but he still wasn’t used to seeing so many at once like this. 

Even after watching for ten minutes he hadn’t been able to spot any two creatures that looked to be the same species. 

Another matter though was that he didn’t feel safe in a crowd, especially getting deep into one. It would be hard to get out if something were to happen. For all he knew humans could be a widely hated species among the multiverse. More importantly, there was no knowing who was sided with Bill... 

The beings that had directed earlier told him the plaza was perfectly fine, just had to watch that he wouldn’t get swindled, but that didn’t mean it was safe. Then again, it’s not as though he’d really been at many safe places. After all, his first stop had been  _ right in front of Bill _ . It couldn’t get much worse than that.

He set down onto the street leading into the plaza, trying to be aware of everyone around him. He glanced at every set of eyes he saw, making sure none were staring at him. After a few minutes of moving through the market, he realized he hadn’t actually been looking at any of the wares. There was a cacophony of sounds and noises. His translator  _ did  _ work, but English or not there were too many voices that he could only pick up a few of them. Either picking up conversations he walked past or vendors loudly proclaiming their wares. 

And  _ again _ , he knew his translator was working, but that could only help so much. He was surprised to be told of a plaza to begin with, but ‘Gazabar’ was still nonsense to him. Likewise, he didn’t know what a Plumbus was or WHY it mattered so much that they had pushed the  _ dinglebop _ through a grumbo? Was fleeb juice toxic?! Or was it equivalent to the annoyance of pulp in orange juice?

Frustrated, he kept walking until he at least couldn’t hear that particular vendor. He’d find food and supplies for survival, first. Afterwards, he could stop at the various stalls and actually find out what the various items were and what they actually did. 

He found a few different food stalls, and walked back between them to determine which one had the most customers similar to either his own biology or from any sort of biology he could actually recognize. Eventually, after talking with a few different vendors he’d found out that the equivalent of fruit was safe to most life forms and he found a few different kind that smelled appealing so that was a better bet than anything else. 

His understanding for survival equipment was a bit more vague than his ideas for sustenance had been, but after last night he’d become aware of at least a few things he’d need if he actually wanted to sleep tonight. 

Ford’s eyes caught onto something in the far off distance, a brief glance of a face that was already hidden again by the crowd. He hadn’t seen it for long enough, but he  _ knew _ they looked human. He continued to walk, eyes focused on trying to spot the person again. He’d see glimpses of their form, edging closer to the middle to try and get closer so there’d be less aliens blocking his view. As soon as he was sure, he singlemindedly made his way towards the person. The first actual human being he’d have seen in  _ months _ . The last time he’d seen anybody was-

His stomach twisted itself into sour knots. Stanley. 

He tried not to think about him anymore, but the thought of another human being dredged up his last memories in Gravity Falls. He regretted a lot of things about that night. Most of all, he regretted panicking like he had and asking Stan for help. 

Bill didn’t have a foothold on Earth anymore, and he’d hidden his research so the portal wouldn’t be reactivated. Earth was behind Ford now. He’d find out Bill’s weakness and stop him once and for all. He already knew where Bill resided, so all he had to do was find something that would end him.

He didn’t  _ want _ to go back to Gravity Falls, he reminded himself. He wouldn’t be able to find a way to defeat Bill if he was stuck there. He’d just been  _ panicking _ when he’d asked Stan to do something. The portal would only have opened up in the Nightmare Realm anyways. Unless... Stan could somehow calibrate the machine to his signal. And- Stan activating the machine was already impossible as it was. Ford had long since brushed aside any thoughts he’d had that Stan would manage to find him and reactivate the portal. He’d gotten caught into a few horrendous dimensions already with creatures ranging from eerily frightening to downright monstrous. The first few times he’d found himself overwhelmed and paralyzed in a hiding spot, he’d admittedly hoped against all odds that a portal would open up beside him with his brother’s voice coming out of it. Or in the dead of night when he’d felt utterly alone, he’d wonder if Stan was trying to get the portal to work. 

Again though, he’d managed to push those inane thoughts to the back of his mind after months had passed. Even if it was possible, he had to defeat Bill once and for all.

Ford hardly realized, but he’d almost been outright walking towards the other person. If it weren’t for the opposing stream of the crowd he’d probably have been making a bee-line towards them. He brought his hands up to wrap tightly around the straps of his packs, and keep the extra finger hidden from view. Aliens didn’t look twice, but being this close to seeing another person instinctively made him remember prior experiences.

He had to stop and wait for some large being to pass, leaning to one side to try and see around them. Before it had passed though the person came around the other side of him and-

It- It was him. Well, no- not. Not  _ him _ . Stanley hardly ever wore glasses, but more importantly that was  _ his _ trench coat, and most damning of all were the six fingers. It wasn’t like looking in a mirror by any means though, he was so much older than him. Brown hair had turned gray and he could see wrinkles at the corner of his eyes and mouth. He had to be at least fifty, most likely pushing sixty though. 

Just like that Ford could see his future. Always lost, travelling through the multiverse and finding a way to survive. Searching for a way to defeat Bill, all the while endlessly running. Disheartening didn’t describe it, but terrifying couldn’t quite do it justice either. It was like someone had found a way to disembowel him and make it seem like nothing had ever been there in the first place, like he’d just imagined it all. 

The only difference between himself and the future version of himself was the fact that the other was standing two feet farther away from the plaza’s entrance gate. 

Another twenty or thirty years after that and he would possibly be dead.  
Another few decades after that there would be no ‘possibly’ about it.

The other looked impossibly heavy. Everything about him, his clothes, his face, but most of all his eyes. The pupils, two black holes that had already sucked down every particle there was left to him, and he wasn’t even a disemboweled shell propped up beside the other now. 

And the other was looking at him like somehow  _ he _ was the bad omen. When he was the one that looked heavy and... and like the force of gravity itself, like a power stronger than just a simple force of nature. The other had stepped around that alien with ease and absolute certainty. 

Ford had been shocked to see himself so much older, and his mind had ran away on that alone. As though him being alive that long meant he still hadn’t defeated Bill, but what if the reason he’d been alive so long was because he didn’t have to run away anymore.

The other’s face set into something determined, and he pulled out a notepad. Ford wrenched his eyes from the other’s face to try and read what he was writing down, but the notepad was angled away from him.

He curiously took the folded paper as it was handed to him, looking down to the paper and almost missing the other who had already taken a few steps away. Had he timed that to weave through the sparse passing crowd? Ford saw him moving towards some shop, and called out to stop him.   


“W-Wai...” Immediately, he regretted saying anything. Even more so when he noticed the other had stopped. Another alien passed between them and he sharply watched the other this time, as though he’d disappear if he got distracted for more than a second. If he’d opened the paper earlier he knew that he wouldn’t have had a chance to see where the other had gone at all.

There was something in the way he moved, like he was more than just ‘prepared’ but in control. 

The other started to turn around, and Ford’s regret came back full force. He hadn’t really meant to say anything, it had just come out before he could stop himself. Some innate need for answers? Talking with his future self was, by all means, a bad idea though.

What if he didn’t like what he had to tell him? What if he still had no clue how to defeat Bill after all that time? What if it  _ was _ good news, but it’d make him too comfortable and change the course of the future? Of all the things he could plausibly say, and Ford could only play over bad scenario after bad scenario.

Then he smiled at him, and Ford was taken aback by it. He hadn’t been expecting him to smile. It had a tinge of comfort to it that, though small, ate away at the frozen air. 

“We figure out a way.” He said confidently. 

The affirmation sparked something in him and he actually felt like he had a body again, organs and everything included. He couldn’t change the mistakes of his past, but he’d make up for them. He was going to end Bill and that would be it.

He lifted a mask up over his face and turned into the shop, Ford becoming aware of the crowd again now that the other was gone. He made his way over to a wall, putting his back against it and opened up the paper. Although he didn’t recognize everything on it, he could tell it was a list of dimensions, along with a few names. 

He smiled down at the paper before tucking it away in a pocket and setting out into the plaza with renewed energy. All he had to do was survive and as long as he kept looking he’d find a way to kill Bill. Given the information from his older self, he felt more than confident he could figure it out. It almost made this too easy.

Of course, it’s not as though he wouldn’t have figured it out otherwise. His older self had been proof of that, already. Now though? Well, he’d bet figuring it out all the more quickly would only spare more lives from being ruined by Bill.

 

* * *

 

Ford focused making his way out of the bazaar without catching sight of the alternate younger version of himself. He managed to hitch a ride onto a cargo ship going a few universes over. 

He sat down in a room surrounded by boxes of miscellaneous goods smelling distinctly of several different alien aromas he had come over the years to recognize. Nothing dangerous even if the ship were to crash. 

He was still a bit surprised out of a million wrong things to say he’d actually picked the right one for once. Maybe it was experience.... Or knowing who you were talking to exceedingly well, he supposed that had helped.

.... He really had taken a while though, hadn’t he? Decades. His weapon would be ready and as for himself, he’d been in more than his fair share of fights. Bill would be gone and the multiverse would be safe! Ford glowed proudly. 

Earth had been briefly endangered due to his naivety, but he’d save the multiverse from Bill’s influence and fear.

And Stanley-  
Ford sat up rigidly against the wall, taking in a controlled breath. Stanley was  _ fine _ . On Earth. Safe. Long since moved on with his life. He’d probably taken the house to live in, it was fully furnished too. He likely hadn’t taken any use of his tools though, unless- Ford groaned, but the idea was there, whether or not he let the thought actually finish. 

The only use may have been in Stan trying to reactivate the portal to bring him back. It would have long fallen into disuse by now though. The device would be impossible for anyone without years of education or his research to operate. Stan would have moved on within the first month, he was sure, possibly even earlier once he realized how impossible the task was. Besides, what would it have been for anyways?

His hand edged towards the photo in his pocket, and initially he resolved to not get carried away enough to look at it, but logically he knew he would sooner or later. Especially after he’d seen his younger self, even if it had been distinctly him there was still something about seeing his own face when it wasn’t in a mirror matching his movements. As it stood, he’d be on this cargo ship for hours so he wouldn’t be able to preoccupy himself for long, and better now than later.

He wished he’d held onto a few more photographs, but he wasn’t a sentimental person. At least so much of one to keep them on his person. A fond moment in his past, but that’s all it was. 

Everything in that photo was a thing of the past, and nothing more.  
His Earth. Impossible to find in the multiverse, and there was nothing there for him, anyways.  
The Stan O War. That had been a dead dream for years.  
Stanley. Moved on, and he already knew what Stan thought of him. The message was loud and clear. ‘ _ Some brother you turned out to be. _ ’ 

Still, he thought about a sand beach and warped wood they tried to bend back into shape.

There was no future with Stanley or the Stan O War or even being back on his own planet again. Once he killed Bill that would be it.

But there was a place in the past with all of it, and was it so selfish for him to imagine what a parallel dimension or two might look like if things had been different. One where these things weren’t just confined to the past.

 

**Author's Note:**

> *when you screw up most social interactions, but finally manage to actually say something right for a change*  
> /Amazing/  
> =
> 
> http://embulalia.tumblr.com/post/154222193581/youre-not-the-only-ford-trapped-in-the
> 
> I saw that art on a twitter page and ended up thinking up a whole scenario by the time I'd found the tumblr post. The art was actually made for another fic called 'Analog' (http://archiveofourown.org/works/8355652) which is a REALLY good oneshot. 
> 
> (also yeah i kinda ended up just busting this out bc i really wanted to even though i'm still working on the next Gotham Falls chapter)


End file.
